What is Matrescence?
The word Matrescence, “The Birth of a Mother”, was coined by Dana Raphae in 1973. Matrescence is defined as the physical, psychological, hormonal, social and emotional changes associated with the transition to motherhood. Despite it being deemed as significant as adolescence it only entered the Cambridge Dictionary for the first time in 2020! This is hardly surprising when the primary focus is very much on the baby during pregnancy, birth and the post-natal period. The mother is often forgotten and rarely ever effectively supported. This lack of awareness means many women are wrongly diagnosed with post-natal depression, when in actual fact, they are just starting out on their Matrescence journey.
How did the term Matrescence come about?
Dana Raphae stated in 1973 that “giving birth does not automatically make a mother out of a woman. It takes time to become a mother.” Research over subsequent years was minimal. However Dr Aurelie Athan, a sociologist from Columbia University, reinvigorated the topic in 2000. She believes motherhood to be the spiritual birth of a women and the greatest story never told. Dr Alexandra Sacks, a clinical psychologist, in 2018, further popularised Matrescence. Her Ted Talk entitled “A new way to think about motherhood” provided women across the World with a new perspective.
Why is Matrescence so important to understand?
Matrescence impacts every aspect of our lives. It is fundamentally important for women to better understand the term and it’s effect. I certainly did not expect the emotional tug of war that Dr Alexandra discusses in her Ted Talk. It certainly took some time to get used to "motherhood" as my new norm. It is therefore so important for all women to understand Matrescence for the following reasons:
- Expectations rarely meet reality. Matrescence hits you at different stages of your motherhood journey. Pregnant women need to be made aware of the transformation they will go through. This will enable their expectations to be better aligned to reality.
- Brain Changes. It is well recognised that the brain changes shape and composition during pregnancy. These changes enable mothers to bond with and support their new borns more effectively. The changes often result in “brain fog” which is perfectly normal during Matrescence. Women suffer well before the menopause!
- Medical intervention. Post-natal depletion, defined by Dr Oscar Serrallach as the physical and mental deterioration caused by the stresses and strains of modern parenthood is extremely common in mothers up to 7 years post birth. The feelings of exhaustion and hyper-vigilance are perfectly normal and very much associated with the a mother’s Matrescence journey. For more info visit www.oscarserrallach.com.
- Sleep. Matrescence impacts your sleep patterns. The importance of sleep cannot be under-estimated. Although new mums are often sleep deprived it is so important to prioritise sleep and take it where you can.
- Visitors. It is perfectly ok to say “No”, especially to visitors in the first few days after birth. This is a unique time and one meant for bonding and taking things slow. Anything that puts added pressure on mums should be limited. Dr Serrallach highlights how important it is for parents to be left to their own devices to connect with themselves, each other and their new baby in those the early days of parenthood.
- Wider support. No mother no matter how experienced she is should feel bad asking for support. But most nearly always do! Having time out and space to reconnect with herself as a women during Matrescence is vitally important in order to thrive. It is ok to ask for help and admit your struggles; this will only make mothers stronger in the future.
What is Matrescence Coaching?
Matrescence coaching supports mothers to better understand themselves and their new identity as a mum. It enables clients to recognise that the emotions they have are perfectly normal and it supports mothers to piece their Matrescence puzzle together.
We live in a culture where motherhood is undervalued. Our patriarchal society leads many mothers to question their core beliefs about both motherhood and womanhood. This can result in lost confidence, anxiety, guilt and resentment.
To be the best mum we can be, it is important for all women to be effectively supported. Entering motherhood is probably the most significant transformation of their lives. Mothers need to trust themselves and broader society if a strong, authentic new version of themself is to emerge.
In order to thrive as a mum, it is important that all women are given the opportunity to learn about Matrescence. By raising their self-awareness as they transition into and through motherhood, will enable mums to thrive more quickly.
In agreement with Amy Taylor-Kabaz, author of Mama Rising (www.amytaylorkabbaz.com), I believe all mothers need to:
- Learn to value themselves without judgement of others
- Demonstrate kindness and self-compassion, limiting their negative inner critic as much as possible
- Know where their strengths lie
- Rest and take time out when they need to
- Trust themselves, their inner feminine and society to hold their back when times get tough
- Feel connected to themselves, their partners, friends and family, work and their higher purpose
Matrescence coaching supports mums to do just this!
Why was Thrive in Motherhood established?
I had not heard of the word Matrescence until the birth of my third child. Only now do I recognise how transformative understanding this word can be. The emotional rollercoaster and the massive lose of identity I felt when I chose not to return to my senior well-paid corporate job I loved was huge. Little support was available to explain why I felt like I did!
Thrive in Motherhood is on a mission to get Matrescence discussed from boardrooms to play parks and from offices to kitchen tables. We need to rewrite the modern day definition of being a women without judgement. Motherhood should be equally valued and respected as any paid employment. Society needs to recognise that mothers are no longer the stereotypical 1950s housewife. We need to feel valued, self-worthy and empowered both at home and in the workplace.
Want to learn more …
For those reading this and struggling with overwhelm, I’m running a free online masterclass on Mon 3 Jul at 8pm. It's entitled “Overwhelm: What mothers really need to know (How to manage it over the long summer holidays!) Registration is via my website www.thriveinmotherhood.co.uk. or my Instagram bio link https://www.instagram.com/thrive_in_motherhood/.
My next group coaching programme is starting in the Autumn. Join me for a Q&A session on Tues 18 Jul at 8pm (BST) if you want to know more. You can register on my website at www.thriveinmotherhood.co.uk.
For more info about me, my coaching services and my forthcoming retreat, please visit the website. You can also download you free “Understanding Your Matrescence Journey” Guide there too! www.thriveinmotherhood.co.uk.
Katherine Hale
Founder of Thrive in Motherhood
Having been a Transformation Director at EY, Katherine understands change from both a corporate and personal perspective.
She has learnt to love her new “mum identity” having stepped away from corporate life and a 6-figure salary to do something different. She became an entrepreneur, business owner, founder of Thrive in Motherhood last year. Her coaching practice, supporting women transition into and through motherhood, was established whilst bringing up three pre-schoolers! Her first group coaching programme sold out only 8 weeks after signing her first client!
As a certified Matrescence coach and NLP practitioner her clients have all benefited from her proven framework. Her next REACT group coaching programme starts in the Autumn where she will be exploring the themes and topics discussed here in more detail. For more information and to register take a look at her website www.thriveinmotherhood.co.uk.